Basic Things... But Still There.

I'm doing this devotion right now called "Want More Love" and it's pretty good. A little basic, but it's what I need to be working on right now (you know when you just have to review the simple things? I feel like I'm always doing that...)

In this one part, and have a story written out like two angles talking. There were a few parts that stuck out, stuff I've heard before, it was just refreshing to hear it again.

They were talking about a new girl they watch God create that day-

Micheal
"I don't get it, HE knows they're going to disappoint him. They always do."

Gabriel sighs a sad sigh and nods
"He knows they're flawed. But he hopes that their failures will draw them to seek a relationship with him. That's what He wants most of all. Can you imagine? God wants a relationship with this girl more then anything."

Gab goes on later to say
"They don't get that they can't earn His love. He loves them simply because they're His. Because He created each one individually."

Micheal
"Even when they hurt him. He always forgives them. Her worth to the Almighty isn't based on how much she does right or wrong."

Gab
"But the enemy sure knows how to convince them otherwise."

I guess this has been something I've been dealing with. It's so easy to get caught up in the works and wanting to earn his love. But when I do that, I feel worthless, because I'm trying to do it all on my own. I get frustrated because I compare myself to other people and know I'm not as far in my walk as them, and want it so badly. But then is it a race/competition, or my own relationship? Then I get mad and realized what I've done and have to start all over. If I could only remember every single day that he loves me through my flaws, I'd be good! But that is one of the hardest concept for me to grab. I'm a horrible, yucky, filthy person, who doesn't deserve to share communion with the Creator of the Universe... and yet he loves me through my flaws? Why would he bother with me? There are TONS of other people out there that do a much better job of this "Take up your Cross Daily and Follow". Why would he want to waist his time on me? And then I hear the Sunday School answers that bring such a since of peace. HE always forgives. He always loves. He never leaves. All those things are so hard to understand... When I'm watching little kids, I get mad when I have to repeat something more then 10 times... Poor God, He needs a break! Knowing that may failure is great, it makes me want to "make-up" for it by praising him... but then the praise never seems good enough... and then we're back to the good enough and works circle, and it's all just really tiring! I just want to move to the mountains so I can spend my days with him and not have all this confusion and distraction from the world all around. But then it becomes selfish (which this whole post pretty much is), and so even in trying to please him, I've sinned again... Am I making this too complicated?